First off, a little disclaimer. I love how my God works. I love Him so much. A couple weeks ago, I prayed that he would make me fall so much more in love with Him. I prayed that He would reveal himself to me in ways that I've never known Him before. And what has He done? He has been faithful. A little BG for you here, last night at chapter, we had open-mic-night. Every single girl filled out an anonymous survey before walking into the dark, candle-lit room... We were supposed to circle Y or N if we had ever.... struggled with cutting, struggled with drugs or alcohol, struggled with certain (very specific) aspects of sexual immorality. Twenty-five different struggles were listed. The surveys were passed back out at random. The officers stood down at the front, and stood up for their own struggles (so stinkin' proud of those girls... they are so brave) and every other girl stood up for what someone else had circled. My heart broke at the amount of girls that struggle with eating disorders, self-mutilation, pornography... My heart broke at the things that I didn't have to stand up for because the survey I held in my hand wasn't marked, but I knew that whoever held my personal survey was standing. After this exercise, the floor was opened up for anyone to go down to the front and talk about what they were dealing with, how God was working through it, how angry they were at God... whatever it was. Basically, I cried all night last night. This is what Phi Lamb is about. Not date parties, not homecoming, not chapter... It's about your heart breaking for what breaks God's heart. Then... to top it all off, my quiet time this morning was In Phillipians 2.
"Look out for the dogs, look out for the evil-doers, look out for those who mutilate the flesh. For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and the glory in Christ Jesus and put
no confidence in the flesh---though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness for God that depends on faith---that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead."
I love how God's word is still alive. Put no confidence in our own accomplishments. It doesn't matter that I've been on this mission trip, or go to this church, or have been raised in a Jesus loving family... my flesh is still there, and it is so strong. Count everything as loss. Faith in Jesus Christ and being able to rely on His strength is what's going to get you through. So many girls stood up last night just in my chapter. You are not alone.
Sidenote: Sorry that this post was so long... there's just a lot on my heart this morning. Nothing soothes the soul like Jesus and Aspen coffee.
-Much Love-
Bethany